A Simple Thing Called Love

i cant sleep man.
tried to study SS juz now but it wasnt very successful.
ended up looking at her pictures and thinking, thinking, thinking.
but still couldnt sleep.
so decided to log on and check if sim's online.
but he isnt.
since there is nth to do, i shall log off.
life is being sucha bitch.
and i've mentioned that friendster horoscopes are true rite?
my horoscope for today would be:
Try not to resist transitions in any of your relationships -- especially the romantic ones -- right now. If you can stay open to changes a little bit longer, then you will benefit from some important new information. Feeling uncomfortable for a short period of time is a small price to pay for an enlightened sense of who you are, and what role you are meant to play in this partnership. Just let things take their course, and you will be able to bob and weave along with the changes.

28 July 2007

4:03 PM

i know i dont love a heartless person.
no matter what others say, i KNOW that she isnt heartless.
anyway its only human to make mistakes.
when pple make mistakes, they attempt to redeem themselves.
like if you fail an exam, you study harder to do well for the next exam.
but some mistakes cannot be undone.
and my mistake was to fall in love with her.
and there is no way to redeem myself.
i think Hydrogen shd know me better.
that time isnt gonna make me forget her.
i've said it a million times.
that i cant live without her.
and its true.
it feels like im dying slowly and silently.
the mischievous side of me disappeared.
and then the happiness and peace went away.
and now, even the smiles are fading off.
coz shes my everything and without her, im nothing.

27 July 2007

9:53 PM

(1) dont disturb me anymore.

(2) i cant help her anymore.

(3) i dont want to talk to her anymore.

so all these while, i've been DISTURBING her and everything she has done for me and with me is not coz she WANTED to do it but coz she didnt want to hurt me. and it never occured to her that she should apologise coz she meant all of the above. despite all these, i still...
im ashamed of myself, really.

26 July 2007

10:03 PM

dancing is a way to release anger.
but no matter how much i dance, im still angry.
period.

21 July 2007

4:43 PM

so here i am again, with a heart so heavy.
feelings and emotions are so complicated really.
its been one and a half years and yet, when it comes to her, i juz cant understand myself.
i miss her so bloody much.
its been days since we spent some time together.
each time the phone vibrates, im hoping its her.
and when it isnt, i juz dont wanna reply the msg.
when it is her, i wanna msg and msg non-stop.
but i dnoe why, i dont try to keep the convo flowing.
no actually, i think i know why.
coz i assume that shes busy with work and i'll juz drop it.
i wanna talk to her so much but smth stops me.
and anw, i cant expect anyth frm her rmb?
even though we're talking again, i still feel empty.
so void of true happiness and peace.
my days are spent thinking abt things that'll never happen.
and it is at these times that i sought the company of my boy.
i dont wanna do so anymore coz it upsets me that i can never meet him again.
so i guess that juz leaves me with the last option.
i shd start talking to guys again.
or maybe gurls coz i've got a "secret" admirer in school.
but the prob is, i'll never love any of them.
my mind, body and soul is all hers.
on a lighter note, racial harmony day was good.
sari was disastrous though.
and it was mr lai's last day.... )))):
gonna be so bored in school.
oh yes, i was chatting with mr lai this morn and guess what?
he said im chio. -beams.
dont be jealous haziratul, its okay.

18 July 2007

5:33 PM

i know im sposed to be happy after seeing simbu and all.
i mean, not everyone gets a chance to hug him.
and simbu doesnt talk to juz anyone.
we all know what a flirt he is.
anyway, its weird that i dont feel happy at all.
its like there is smth missing in life.
i've understood that no one will be able to make me feel the way she makes me feel.
she is more impt to me than simbu.
isnt it weird the way love works?
but whats the point of loving her so much?
im not getting anything in return.
and yet, i wont let go.
the worst part abt it is that i dnoe what i did wrong.
did i do smth wrong?
or issit her moodswings?
i dnoe larh.
i think i shd juz give her some time.
even though that means torturing myself.
-shrugs.

15 July 2007

9:06 PM

i dont feel like studying.
i dont feel like homeworking.
i dont feel like eating.
i dont feel like sleeping.
i dont feel like talking.
i dont feel like dancing.
i dont feel like going to school.
i dont feel like seeing her.
because im lovesick.
im not myself.

08 July 2007

6:22 PM

just a week left baby.
less than a week actually.
and im not ready for it at all!
all coz of the stupid amaths re-exam on tues i couldnt shop this weekend.
wednesday after sch, im off to rupini's to do threading.
thursday aft sch is shooping for top, bottom, bag, footwear and accessories at vivo.
tamil society farewell thingy on friday and i need to get my beauty sleep.
on saturday, i need to start dolling myself up abt 1 plus.
omg, im soo stressed and exicted at the same time.
im gonna see my boy!
and i wanna lose a lil more weight!
oh, pls remind me to get my digi cam ready.
july 15 is sister's bdae.
my bestie's turning 5 in a week's time.
need to get smth for my lovely.
okay larh, i gotta go mug for amaths.
im not even done with half the book.
and guess what??
mr lai said "bye.. shamita" to me on friday AGAIN aft bio.
he remembers my name. (:
and he doesnt even know that hazie is from our class.
HAHAHA. hazie dont get upset.
you know i dont like him.
im married.
rmb my wifey?
-cheeky grin.

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